OMG.
(via azizisbored)
Source:
I found this saved in my school folder an hour ago. I do not remember writing this and it was saved on a Sunday at 4am. It has minimal flow and as I told one person, the theme of this post is hate. Enjoy
If you ever meet a woman that claims they know a lot about sports, you now know she is a good liar because she is full of shit. Woman don’t know sports. Impossible. The only time a woman knows something about sports is if they played that sport for multiple years. And even after that, men know more about it than women do. Clearly, it is just a ploy on her part to try to attract attention from guys and it’s pretty pathetic.
I could not tell you how pissed I was this summer when I was watching the Women’s World Cup. First off, I was watching a women’s game, so I was angered by this slow, watered down, generic brand of athletics. To put the icing on the cake, this lasted an entire month. Secondly, I watched a few games with women who played soccer. They don’t know anything. There’s a reason you last played competitively in high school; you weren’t good and don’t know how to play.
My favorite moment of the World Cup had nothing to do with the actual game at all. In the group stage, United States player Megan Rapinoe made a great play (for a woman). That’s when Julie Foudy said “Megan Rapinoe, known for her Youtube hit video with a great pass. We’ve all seen the video and we all love it. Rapinoe brings her guitar on the road and entertains the team during downtime. The video has thousands of views.”
Who the fuck is Megan Rapinoe?
Julie Foudy; get off my television.
If it were truly a Youtube hit, there would be no need to explain the premise of the video
Thousands of hits does not mean it is a popular video. Talk to me when she reaches a million
Also, if any woman that tells you cheerleading is a sport, just laugh in there face. I don’t know what’s worse, a person that thinks cheerleading is a sport or woman who “knows” sports. Cheerleading is to sports as Neil Patrick Harris is to heterosexuality. All cheerleaders do is stand on the sidelines and yell four line poems in an acrobatic ways. Have you ever been to a baseball game while a basketball game is being played in foul territory? What about a tennis match with a game of cricket being played behind Andy Roddick? No, because two sports cannot be played at the same time. Don’t give me that “cheerleaders get injured the most out of any sport.” You’re wrong. Cheerleaders get injured the most out of any club.
Source: alexleoNBC recently did a woefully incomplete slideshow of some of Tracy Jordan’s movie posters. Here’s a more holistic collection…
(from NBC.com)
(from NBC.com)
(from NBC.com)
(from NBC.com)
(from NBC.com)
(by Donny Nguyen)
(by me)
(30 Rock screengrab)
(30 Rock screengrab)
Are hangovers worth the fun you had the night before before? Well that can be answered by how hungover you are. Are you mildly hungover? Then you had an OK time last night. Are you on the the edge of your roof and contemplating suicide? Then you probably had an amazing time last night. Are you hangover free because you stayed in to watch the Glee marathon? Then you are a fucking loser. Nobody wants to be hungover. That’s a given. But there are ways to deal with your hangover. Here’s my guide to making the best out of a terrible situation.
-Water
The moment you wake up, water is the first thing on your mind. It feels like someone used your mouth as a toilet the night before and it’s as dry as a 50 year old prostitute. You need something to get rid of those sensations, so water is a must and the most important key to recovery. Water can be replaced with Gatorade, seltzer, coffee, or beer.
-Food
Odds are your stomach is hurting and your hungry. Your body wants something massive, salty, and delicious. I tend go with a Big Mac meal, a McDouble and a Sweet Tea. It’s a perfect combination of gluttony and relief. Today I went with a Medium coffee and Chicken Salad sandwich from Dunkins. Not ideal, but got the job done and I ate a massive burger when I got home. It was the equivalent of hooking up with the ugly girl to get to her hot friend.
-Change Clothes
You’re probably still wearing the same clothes you wore last night. Nothing more embarrassing then being spotted in public at 8:30 am. during your walk/feast/drive of shame. It is also pretty awkward when you are home and you wake up wearing the same clothes. I recommend you slip into something more comfortable. Let’s take me as an example.
This is from the 2012 D-Mort Winter Hangover collection, Fleece Ninja Turtle pants and a long sleeve Whalers shirt. I went with no underwear, but that’s up to you. The balls are in your court, while my balls are free.
-Nap
After being awake for approximately a half hour, every hungover person wants to fall back asleep. It’s natural. With the addition of your comfortable clothes, this makes a nap a layup. I recommend that this nap occur in a public place. If you sleep in your bed, this short nap could actually last 3 hours. Trust me, I know from experience. I chose to sleep on the living room couch today because if people came home, I would wake up and not waste an entire day. I should have thought this through though because I probably will spend over an hour on this post, wasting a day I could have spent looking for a job.
-Television
After your nap, you feel much better, but not 100%. Your choice of what goes on the television is key, because odds are, you will lose the remote and will not have the effort to look for it. Today I chose Angry Boys. I’m on the tenth episode and reckon you watch it. Nathan may be my my Top 5 comedy character ever. The best choice for viewing would be a comedy or childhood classic. No need to get into a serious, complicated movie or series when your mind probably cannot do basic math yet. Some of my go-to choices are The Office, Big Green, Parks and Recreation, Rookie of the Year, and Hall Pass. A second nap has been known to occur during this phase of the hangover.
I have followed all of these for the past four years and it has been successful all but one time. I promise that if you do what I do, you will be ready to go out by the end of the day and start the process all over again
My tweets are hysterical. I don’t care if you like them but I know they are funny as fuck, Follow me @dfmiv1231.
